Out of Your League

In this issue: Out of Your League

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Out of Your League

Don’t take this personally, but…

That woman/job/opportunity/prize/cost is WAY out of your league.

You and I and the next guy or gal - we’ve all heard something like this once or twice (or a thousand times) in life, haven’t we?

Stings, don’t it?

Except it shouldn’t.

Lots of things successful people do in life are supposedly out of reach, out of range, out of their damn league.

Clearly, not every attempt will land successfully.

Maybe there’s even just a small chance of it.

The scoffers and naysayers will sound off and discourage.

The “realists” will pile on.

Family and friends will roll their eyes.

Maybe even talk you down, try to “set you straight.”

Spouses will get a knot in their stomach when they hear it, maybe even lash out.

What did you say?!

No way she’ll every marry you.

No way in hell you could ever write a book that sells.

No way you could ever get that job.

No way you’ll get promoted.

No way you could ever buy a house.

No way you could ever afford that.

MARSHA, MARSHA, MARSHA!

Ok, most people, even if they’re supportive, will say to themselves, come on, no way in hell that could ever work.

What happens in those unfortunate moments?

It’s easy to scream “jealousy! envy!”

That doesn’t explain it all.

Sure, he or she isn’t you, the Man/Woman in the Arena.

He or she likely genuinely loves you and wants the best for you.

BUT… he or she doesn’t really know the True You.

And even worse, he or she doesn’t really know him- or herself.

Hurt people, hurt people.

Even people we love. Even people we know for decades.

The trauma from society trying to keep us “normal” and “safe” and in our proverbial comfort zone is MASSIVE.

That’s because everyone who’s ever tried to climb the ladder out of their circumstances, situation, constraints, etc., has been torn or pulled down, had the carpet pulled from under them, overrun, cheated, scammed, fooled, etc.

Humans are rather brutal beings.

It’s playground rules all the way until the nursing home.

Such is life.

If I count the thousands (tens? hundreds of thousands?) of times I’ve been doubted, ripped apart, taken down a notch, demeaned, laughed at, ridiculed, scoffed at, I would probably just dig my own grave voluntarily.

Luckily for me, I’m both an eternal optimist and a REALLY hard worker when I want something.

I used to be an eternal optimist who coasted by on his brains, not working any harder than necessary.

Dreamer with big eyes, if less of a talker.

The scoffers got to me. I didn’t even know it.

I just felt like I was getting nowhere.

Then, life put me in an impossible situation (massive, $250K+ high-interest school debt, new family, living in NYC, recession, can’t get or keep a job, etc.) from which the only way out was either give up, go home and bury myself…

Or fight like hell EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. just to have the chance to continue another day.

And G-d knows, I’ve done MANY, MANY things that were out of my league.

Married WAY up.

Wrote 7 books, even thought there was no time, no money, no hope and not much of an audience.

Talked my way into some of the best tech companies, Fortune 500 companies, consulting and coaching gigs with 2000+ clients.

Sure, many of these were above my pay grade, if not above my head.

Many were short gigs, but still prestigious, amazing learning experiences.

Many didn’t end in the best way, because of politics, lack of maturity, seeing too quickly through the B.S., life circumstances.

But even the bad and awful experiences have been incredible for learning, iterating, getting better skills, pushing my own limits, creating new ideas and concepts.

Nothing has gone to waste.

On paper, it looks like there was a LOT of bad luck, bad timing, bad circumstances, lots of ways I started (and continued) life a few step behind most other people.

But in fact, all the ways I was held back (money, opportunity, connections, naivete, and so on) were actually massive ADVANTAGES, it turns out.

I learned not just to learn quickly and efficiently, but to LEARN quickly and efficiently, then to PREDICT and PREPARE for opportunities long before they came my way.

In short, I learned SELF-LEVERAGE, then PROFESSIONAL LEVERAGE.

So at some point, the leverage and quick iteration started bringing better and better results.

Better clients, bigger clients, more sales.

Am I still out of my league in certain regards?

Yes, you bet!

Isn’t that the whole point of trying new things you suck at?

Not just for the mastery and the rewards at the end of the rainbow.

The point is the challenge, the journey, the knowledge that I don’t give a shit what others think, nor whether I look this way or that while doing something.

Freedom and happiness (or something like those two, certainly) come from not giving a shit about what other think and from being aligned between your internal and external selves, as well as in your work, your family, your community and so on.

There is no mythical “balance,” only perhaps some harmony.

There’s never quite perfect rest and relaxation without something not quite being aligned or perfect.

Maybe a few moments here and then on Shabbat, when we’re commanded NOT to think about business or work or money or the rest of the week’s worries.

We all need something to proper us forward.

We need always some sort of physical or mental (or both) challenge, pull, misalignment, slight, not the constant encouragement and compliments we would expect to work best, to move forward, to stay pushing and pulling, to keep learning, to keep moving forward as long as G-d gives us the strength and resolve to do so.

Does all of this discomfort, roaming outside one’s range, this being stretched thing… get old?

Does it take a toll?

Does it often feel like a slog or a chore?

Of course, there are moments.

When you’re not feeling enough progress, not consistently enough, it’s often hard to find the motivation to keep moving…

UNLESS, again, you’re fully self-motivated and care more about learning than about the trappings of success and achievement.

Those few of us driven by a sense of accomplishment simply from gaining new insights, not just from sales or prizes) find some sort of hidden, extra gears to keep moving when shit is rough, when there are months of no revenue, when everyone says no, when everyone is seemingly against us and our life mission.

But again, we’re roaming WAY out because we know nothing else.

We NEED the wild, the uncertainty, the thrill of the unknown, the spark of discovering something new.

Or, we go bored, we withdraw.

It’s a character win, as much as it is a character flaw.

We lose friends and often loved ones on the way to something meaningful, novel, massive successful.

We outgrow the former range, the former expectations of ourselves and of others.

We outgrow the empty constraints of yesteryear, of childhood, of our hometown, of our comfort zone, of what we know, of what’s easy.

Not everyone wins this race they run against themselves.

Too many don’t quite make it.

Some move back home and give up on their dreams.

Some get boring jobs and die inside, slowly then quickly.

Some drink or medicate themselves to death.

Hey, no judgment here.

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." - Winston Churchill

Churchill was a great writer (Nobel Prize winner for it).

He only became Prime Minister in his 50s, then was unceremoniously thrown out of power after WWII, despite being a war hero and the greatest man England could have asked for in its greatest hour of need.

Tread carefully with all that RahRah, motivational quote crap.

You will die many deaths on the way to something special.

You will also be reborn and reinvented many times.

Try not to drown yourself in drink or self-medication.

Don’t get too down or too up.

Hydrate well and sleep regularly.

Use your own motivation as fuel, not just the nagging of naysayers and the cheer of yes-men.

And hell yes, leave the home of your youth, leave your disgusting comfort zone, go stretch yourself thin, go marry someone of your league, go do things that you don’t think you possibly could.

You don’t need anyone’s permission, only your own.

You don’t need a map or even a GPS. G-d/the Universe will show you the way.

All the greatest successes you know (even the fake “self-made” ones) did things nobody believed in, for reasons they themselves often didn’t understand well, despite overwhelming odds, failed massively, then at some point learned their lessons, licked their wounds, finally built something great with good timing, and the rest is history.

And so, as you unroll your Sunday, do something hard, unusual, far out of the way today, if you can.

Go against yourself.

Go against the easy path.

Just go.

I promise, great things will happen :)